Merry Christmas!

Full disclosure - We were late to church on Sunday, Bailee didn't even get her hair brushed. So, I made everyone stay in their church clothes after church until I did my hair and makeup, Bailee and Mallary's hair THEN took a picture.

‘Tis the time of year you can expect in your mail,

Greeting cards, pictures, and letters of tall tales –

Of grand adventures, and that straight ‘A’ kid,

And all of the fabulous things they did.

Well, friends, this is not one of those,

Just a little bit of our year written in prose.

I’ll do my best to keep this letter quite mild,

And, actually, for the first time, we don’t have a straight ‘A’ child.

After reading this sonnet of my angelic family,

I know it will be hard not to get a bit jelly.

For starters, we had to replace both of our vehicles this year.

One died, and the other totaled by someone drinking too much beer.

Luckily, John and the boys didn’t get hurt,

And, now we drive around a huge van that makes people smirk.

For his job, John finally passed his last big test.

Now he can have all those extra letters after his name that shows he’s the best??

I’m just excited I don’t have to be a spring widow one more year,

Him spending all spring studying again was something I feared.

Johnny on the wrong spot is still slow out of the gate,

Always running at least ten minutes late.

I knew John about nine years before I ever saw him angry,

But now with our kids, I get to see it on the daily.

To be honest, our kids drive us crazy, and we wonder if we’ll survive.

And, with our kids shenanigans, they’re lucky they’re still alive.

Well, I turned forty and my body went downhill

I had a basal cell carcinoma and tried to stay chill.

It also turns out, that the meds that keep me sane

Also dry out my mouth and cause my teeth pain.

I lost two pearly (off) whites, and there’s one more to go.

I mean, who needs teeth anyway? They’re just for show…

I keep trying to run again, but my body is crap,

Apparently, birthing giant children put my core out of whack.

Speaking of big babies – dear  Trevan, is my only child who behaves.

And, so his mother would no longer complain, his mustache he finally shaved.   

His voice has gone down quite a few octaves, and he texts members of the opposite sex,

He’s fifteen years old now, and questions if mother really knows best.  

Mallary gives stank faces often, and always rolls her eyes.

If my mom were living, I’d call her and apologize.

We have to beg her to shower - so not quite yet into boys,

She still begs for a phone and all other expensive toys.

Jonah is still me ray of sunshine, but not in real life. 

Because when we go to do something fun, he still gives us strife.

We’re going to Disney, a party, or headed to the shore,  

“I don’t want to go!” he complains, “It will be such a bore!”

Everett pees on the floor and makes my life a delight

I look forward to every afternoon and the homework fight.

He is always hungry, the kitchen he can’t avoid –

But, we just found out it’s because he has hypo thyroid.

My seven year old line backer is pushing one fifteen,

And now wearing the clothes of a much taller pre-teen.

Bailee is an angel most of the time,

But has learned from her siblings a few crimes.

My kids leave markers and pens all over the place,

Which we usually find after Bailee draws on her face.

Her favorite, by far, is now make up and lip stick,

And, she’s really good at laying it on pretty thick.

She still usually sleeps in our bed, and I really don’t mind-

Except when she’s strangling me from behind.

Our bed is usually full of children and laundry, with John nowhere in sight,

Because he falls asleep on the couch almost every night.

Speaking of laundry, it’s a full-time job keeping five kids clothed,

And picking clothes up off the bathroom floor, from where they de-robe.

Aside from the nonsense, we know we are blessed,

To have a home that contains such a mess.

For the yard that contains more mud than grass,

Littered with so many nerf bullets and broken toys we look like white trash.

For the nail polish stained carpet, and the holes in the walls.

For all of the murals, and a half million deflated balls.

For all of the laundry and Legos galore.

I guess we are grateful our lives aren’t a bore.

For our homeless looking children, and the fighting they do,

Even though I feel like somebody always smells like poo.

We know we’ve got so much to be thankful for,

But, mostly when they’re asleep, I adore them more.

For the record, John was worried you might not appreciate this pun,

I just rolled my eyes and said, “It’s all in good fun!”

Of course, we know that we are blessed,

But listing all the ridiculousness is just part of the jest.

Parenting is hard, it ain’t easy being a mom.

So, if you ever need to commiserate, I’ll just say, “Oh, preach on!”

But, alas, I digress… That is not why I am here –

To laugh at our kids or talk about reindeer.

I’m so grateful for this season, and the chance to remember,

Why we actually celebrate this time in December.

I’ve felt so much joy Christmas shopping for others,

My children, my friends, my husband, and brothers.

I walk through the stores with a chuckle – not from passing gas,

But, trying to think of a perfect gift that will cause them to laugh.

I find myself smiling while I shop,

I just love buying gifts, it makes my heart pop!

Why is this so? How could this be?

My bank account says, “Hey, this stuff isn’t free!”

But, I know why it’s just so much fun,

I’m not thinking about myself and what has to be done.

I’m not thinking about my worries or what’s making me sad,

I’m thinking of how I can make someone else glad.

And, I think that’s the magic, this season reminds,

That to really find joy is to forget our self and be kind.

We are reminded of the birth of the One who gave us the best gift,

Of eternal life, and our sad hearts He’ll lift.  

That our hearts can be filled with peace, love, and joy,

When we think of that first Christmas and the One baby boy.

That we find joy when we think of, and love one another,

Because, after all, we’re all sisters and brothers.

This Christmas, we wish you love, peace, joy and great cheer,

And that the feeling stays with you and us throughout next year.